Tricky days lately.
Last summer, my grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer. She went through some chemo, which made her unbearably sick, so she continued with just radiation for a few months. In March of this year, Grammy was declared cancer-free by her doctors! We were all so excited!
Our joy was short-lived, however, because she visited her doctors with a cough in late July, and was told that her cancer had returned, and there wasn't much that could be done to stop it now. Our whole family was devastated. Our Grammy is so strong, and is still completely mentally present, at 83 years old.
I am very torn. Grammy is the first close family member I've had who has been in real danger of dying, and I'm not totally sure what to do with myself. On one hand, she has lived a very full, happy, and pretty long life. However, The thought of losing my Grammy just makes me cry. Generally, I'm very good at compartmentalizing this type of thing. I just don't think about it and I don't get upset. I know this isn't really healthy, but it's just the way I handle things. And then again, she could fight this round of cancer, and beat it into submission, too! Cancer is weird that way, some people can just beat it totally, without a good explanation of how.
Where this sadness becomes most difficult is when the Little Man is around. I'll read an email (like the one my uncle wrote about his recent visit with Grammy), or talk to someone on the phone, and I just get sad again and start crying. It's almost like I don't even know what I'm feeling, just that I'm crying. When this happens and the Little Man is in the room., he notices right away that I am crying. He asks, "Mommy sad? Mommy crying?" I don't know how to explain it to a three-year-old. My best information was that my Grammy is very sick and it makes me sad. I wish she would get better and not be sick anymore. Then LM usually tells me to put my glasses back on (those who have worn glasses know why you must remove them when crying). I told him the other day i would put them back on when I was all done crying. A few minutes of chatting later, LM asked, "You all done crying, Mommy?" When I said yes, he exclaimed, "You not sad anymore, Mommy! You can put your glasses back on, Mommy!" Which, of course, made me laugh, and I stopped thinking about it.
Big Man had some words of wisdom for me that really helped him when his uncle and grandfather were sick. It is a quote from "Zorba," I think from the movie, but it may be from the musical. A man asks Zorba (speaking about a third man), "What is wrong with him?", and Zorba replies, "Nothing wrong, he is dying." The simplicity of viewing death as a natural part of life, something that is supposed to happen and that nothing is wrong when it happens really spoke to my husband. Maybe I can find some of the same peace myself.
I don't really know what to do about these feelings, or what to do with them when the Little Man is around. I want to show him that it's OK to be sad, and that it is OK to cry sometimes. But, I can't just be sad all the time? Can I?
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Episode 18: Misty Island Party, here we go! (Here we go!)
The Little Man turned three years old on the 11th! The Saturday before his actual birthday, we had a party with all of our friends from the neighborhood, as well as some family that lives nearby.
This year, since LM is obsessed with Thomas and Friends in general, and was recently (about 3 months ago)obsessed with the movie Misty Island Rescue in particular, we decided to have a Misty Island birthday party!
This year, since LM is obsessed with Thomas and Friends in general, and was recently (about 3 months ago)obsessed with the movie Misty Island Rescue in particular, we decided to have a Misty Island birthday party!
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Graduation Day!!!
(I hope that you are all playing Pomp & Circumstance in your heads as you read this. There's a little help in this video at 1:50 if you need it.)
The Little Man had his last speech session today! This final session was a test to see where he currently scores with his speech and comprehension. He scored equal to an average 3-year, 8-month-old on the first section, and equal to an average 3-year, 11-month-old on the second section. That's a two year improvement in only 9 months of speech classes!
I'm very excited to not have to get up so early in the mornings, but I will miss speech class a little bit. I will need to try to find another activity, so that we have something else to do during the week aside from just preschool.
Also, in funny baby news, I taught LM tonight that when I sing "You're unbelievable!" He replies with "OH!" So nineties, EMF.
The Little Man had his last speech session today! This final session was a test to see where he currently scores with his speech and comprehension. He scored equal to an average 3-year, 8-month-old on the first section, and equal to an average 3-year, 11-month-old on the second section. That's a two year improvement in only 9 months of speech classes!
I'm very excited to not have to get up so early in the mornings, but I will miss speech class a little bit. I will need to try to find another activity, so that we have something else to do during the week aside from just preschool.
Also, in funny baby news, I taught LM tonight that when I sing "You're unbelievable!" He replies with "OH!" So nineties, EMF.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Episode 17: Words on the Street
So, apparently, speech class is working. The Little Man is talking like crazy! And it has really been an overnight change.
At the end of March (geez, has it really been that long?) an old friend of the Big Man's and his family were in town and came over for dinner. As their children marched around our house and deck, making their own band, LM somehow ended up with his shaker egg in hand. Just for fun, I started singing one of our speech school songs. (Miss Terry calls it school so the kids know it's time to work) Shake, shake, shake and shake, shake and shake and ROLL! I told LM he could sing, and he started saying "Roll!" first time ever! Then, he totally sang along with the next verse, Bang, bang, bang and bang, bang and bang and ROLL! Amazing, right?
Next morning, I went in to LM's bedroom to get him up for the day, and was still wearing my green PJs, which LM pointed to and said, "Geen!!" I didn't even know he could say that! He started gaining a word or more every day. I had to make a list to keep up!
A couple of weeks later, my dad was the lucky person to be the first family member (besides Mama and Dada) who's name LM said! We were Skyping with the family, and he'd been talking so much, we thought we could try, and out comes "Pop-Pop!" My dad was thrilled! (in defense of my mom and BM's parents, Pop-Pop is the easiest to say of all the grandparents' names).
Since then, he's added at least one new word every day, and sometimes 3 or 4 words. Often, they are words that we didn't know that he knew. He has the cutest little voice! One of LM's favorite things to do now is to narrate his play. While he plays trains (his favorite thing EVER), he talks and talks about what the trains (or, "cains") are doing. "Ferdinand follow Bash, Dash," "Bash, Dash follow Ferdinand." Currently, Bash, Dash, and Ferdinand, the Misty Island Logging Locos, are Billy's favorites.
At the end of March (geez, has it really been that long?) an old friend of the Big Man's and his family were in town and came over for dinner. As their children marched around our house and deck, making their own band, LM somehow ended up with his shaker egg in hand. Just for fun, I started singing one of our speech school songs. (Miss Terry calls it school so the kids know it's time to work) Shake, shake, shake and shake, shake and shake and ROLL! I told LM he could sing, and he started saying "Roll!" first time ever! Then, he totally sang along with the next verse, Bang, bang, bang and bang, bang and bang and ROLL! Amazing, right?
Next morning, I went in to LM's bedroom to get him up for the day, and was still wearing my green PJs, which LM pointed to and said, "Geen!!" I didn't even know he could say that! He started gaining a word or more every day. I had to make a list to keep up!
A couple of weeks later, my dad was the lucky person to be the first family member (besides Mama and Dada) who's name LM said! We were Skyping with the family, and he'd been talking so much, we thought we could try, and out comes "Pop-Pop!" My dad was thrilled! (in defense of my mom and BM's parents, Pop-Pop is the easiest to say of all the grandparents' names).
Since then, he's added at least one new word every day, and sometimes 3 or 4 words. Often, they are words that we didn't know that he knew. He has the cutest little voice! One of LM's favorite things to do now is to narrate his play. While he plays trains (his favorite thing EVER), he talks and talks about what the trains (or, "cains") are doing. "Ferdinand follow Bash, Dash," "Bash, Dash follow Ferdinand." Currently, Bash, Dash, and Ferdinand, the Misty Island Logging Locos, are Billy's favorites.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Episode 16: Speak On, Baby!
(I wrote this back in February, and never posted it, so here it is!)
OK, the Christmas decorations are finally all put away, as are (almost) all of the presents, so I can post again!
As you probably know, the Little Man is now almost 29 months old! He's getting really big. However, he isn't talking much more than he did at a year or 18 months old. I had brought my concern to the pediatrician at LM's two-year appointment, and he advised to just see what happens and check back again at 2 1/2. A few months went by, and I was eagerly awaiting the day all my neighbors (and fellow moms) said would come, when the babe suddenly develops a huge vocabulary overnight! When it didn't happen by about December, I decided to call in the big guns and get him evaluated by our county's Infant and Toddlers program.
I was hoping they would also look for signs of autism or asperger's during their evaluation. It's something you hear about more and more often these days, and LM has some tendencies that worried me. He wasn't talking. He has the longest attention span of any toddler I know (he can play trains by himself for half an hour without making a sound). He loves to line things up, especially trucks. Part of me didn't think that autism was likely to be a problem, but I was still really worried about it.
The evaluators from Infants & Toddlers came out on 12-20 to check out the Little Man. We saw a Speech Therapist and an Occupational Therapist. They did lots of tests that looked like play, and asked lots of questions. At the end of the evaluation, it was determined that LM was right on track (scoring 24-28 months) with gross and fine motor skills, but was delayed in speech. He scored at 20 months, and was age 27 months at the time. That means he was exactly 25% delayed, which just qualified us for free speech therapy services from the county. As my mom says, that's exactly the score you want, just enough for help, but not any more behind than that.
I did ask about autism, and they said that he showed no signs of autism or asperger's, so that was good news, too.
We started speech classes with Miss Teri in January. Little Man did well the first time, but Miss Teri said he was a little bit peculiar! (Poor choice of words, I think, as I got worried.) He has a long attention span, and was far more interested in figuring out how the Duplo gate worked than playing with the big barn she brought with her! Also, the fact that he knows lots of letter sounds, but not any words. He threw one tantrum, when she took the blocks away to do something else, but otherwise behaved well. I was a little disappointed, since he didn't really seem to catch on to what he was supposed to be doing, but everyone reminded me that it was only his first day! He didn't even know what to expect, much less what he would be expected to do!
He just had his second class last week, and things went better. He is still gaining some new words (of course, none of them are the words we are supposed to be learning for homework), and seems to be trying a little bit, at least.
OK, the Christmas decorations are finally all put away, as are (almost) all of the presents, so I can post again!
As you probably know, the Little Man is now almost 29 months old! He's getting really big. However, he isn't talking much more than he did at a year or 18 months old. I had brought my concern to the pediatrician at LM's two-year appointment, and he advised to just see what happens and check back again at 2 1/2. A few months went by, and I was eagerly awaiting the day all my neighbors (and fellow moms) said would come, when the babe suddenly develops a huge vocabulary overnight! When it didn't happen by about December, I decided to call in the big guns and get him evaluated by our county's Infant and Toddlers program.
I was hoping they would also look for signs of autism or asperger's during their evaluation. It's something you hear about more and more often these days, and LM has some tendencies that worried me. He wasn't talking. He has the longest attention span of any toddler I know (he can play trains by himself for half an hour without making a sound). He loves to line things up, especially trucks. Part of me didn't think that autism was likely to be a problem, but I was still really worried about it.
The evaluators from Infants & Toddlers came out on 12-20 to check out the Little Man. We saw a Speech Therapist and an Occupational Therapist. They did lots of tests that looked like play, and asked lots of questions. At the end of the evaluation, it was determined that LM was right on track (scoring 24-28 months) with gross and fine motor skills, but was delayed in speech. He scored at 20 months, and was age 27 months at the time. That means he was exactly 25% delayed, which just qualified us for free speech therapy services from the county. As my mom says, that's exactly the score you want, just enough for help, but not any more behind than that.
I did ask about autism, and they said that he showed no signs of autism or asperger's, so that was good news, too.
We started speech classes with Miss Teri in January. Little Man did well the first time, but Miss Teri said he was a little bit peculiar! (Poor choice of words, I think, as I got worried.) He has a long attention span, and was far more interested in figuring out how the Duplo gate worked than playing with the big barn she brought with her! Also, the fact that he knows lots of letter sounds, but not any words. He threw one tantrum, when she took the blocks away to do something else, but otherwise behaved well. I was a little disappointed, since he didn't really seem to catch on to what he was supposed to be doing, but everyone reminded me that it was only his first day! He didn't even know what to expect, much less what he would be expected to do!
He just had his second class last week, and things went better. He is still gaining some new words (of course, none of them are the words we are supposed to be learning for homework), and seems to be trying a little bit, at least.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)